• Category Archives Fakin’ News
  • Ben & Jerry’s Ice Cream to be rebranded

    Ben & Jerry’s Ice Cream will be rebranded, and included as an annex to The United States House of Representatives and by that become part of the United States congress.

    The brand will be renamed and officially be called “Ben & Jerry’s I Scream”.

    The move was approved with the help of the queen of congress Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, AKA “Sandy”, AKA “AOC”, AKA “Hey, Oh, See?”. When asked (but why ask?), AOC replied “Like you can’t sell Ice Cream to people if you need to call them oppressed, because then they are like not oppresssy feely or anything, they like happy because they like eat ice cream and stuff. Also my grandmother is poor and my Tesla doesn’t understand me anymore, I asked it to take me to “my office”, and it answers it doesn’t understand my orifice. Or maybe it was Siri. I don’t know anymore because I’m so stressed from the floods in Germany they are so close to us, I need therapy.

    Ben and Jerry as well as Unilever did not respond to our request for comments about the announcement, rumor has it they all suffer from a severe brain freeze.

  • Guantanamo Bay Naval Base renamed!

    As part of the military effort to make the US Army more gender and race neutral, it was announced that the Guantanamo Bay Naval Base will be renamed. If approved by some general with lots of striped thingies on his chest, the base will be called, starting as soon as next week, “Guantanamo Gay”.

    The move follows other new changes such as using only lavender scented pink towels for waterboarding, and purple flare tracer bullets. Also rifle barrels will now be made less phallic looking.

    The name change will be officially announced in a ceremony that will present, for the first time every, gluten free helmets and bullet pseudo-proof vests made of recycled cardboard.

    Genera Joke “Jell-o” Weakfled was quoted saying “We are proud. Also we are gay how tough our troops now feel, and how this added to the moral of all 743 genders of soldiers that proudly serve the US army. Even Russia, China and Iran officially congratulated us and send us edible arrangements and an ample supply of pink towels!”. “Guantanamo Gay will be the beacon of woke to all armies around the world.”.

    In reaction to the announcement, Vladimir Putin was reported to pee his pants from an uncontrolled laughter attack, and in Iran 1012 people were executed because it was a Tuesday. No reports were communicated from China and no one can get hold of any news reporters there for the last four weeks, but the Chines government said “honestly we don’t know anything about it or any virus or anything, we have no clue and it’s not from here anyway so why do you even ask, ha? It’s probably from some frozen pasta from Italy.”.

  • Facebook now allows you to post!

    In a bold move that shook the social networks industry, and left trillions of creatures around the universe with their jaw or whatever other body part dropped, Facebook made today an announcement that can only described as innovative, ground breaking and brave!

    Mark the date! As of today, Facebook will allow you to post stuff! Like posts and stuff. These posts will be available for other people to see!

    Disclaimer: this does not include any posts that have any information, photos, images, audio, links, text, words, letters, graphic elements, icons, reactions, emojis, or anything else that they don’t like.

  • The reason that Jeff Bezos Wore a Hat

    We all wondered what was the story with wearing that hat for the space flight in that big hilariously shaped rocket.

    We here at Fakin’ News work relentlessly to find the information for you. We sent microscopic drones with tiny 4K cameras to find out all the behind-the-scene fact about this flight, and we found out why that hat was on, and was not removed!

    Wait for it….you won’t believe this photo, showing Jeff just after all that publicity powwows, relaxing in his private room taking off his hat. It is unreal!!!

    He got Borg implements! To give him advantage in business, allow him to control the space shclong rocket without anyone knowing, and to be able to answer all the questions Alexa is asked in real time, special enhancing implements were attached to his brain and enables him not only to communicate with the mighty internet directly with his mind, but also to control his coffee maker from bed! The technology, called Lithographic Gargantua Brain Tethered Quantum Artificial Intelligence Hairline, or LGBTQAIH, was secretly developed in the private section of Areas 51 and financed solely by Bezos’ money found in his Levis’ change pocket.

    This is a Fakin’ News exclusive. Remember where you read it first!

  • Non-GMO COVID-19

    This just in! The Biden administration, in collaboration with Anthony Fauci that in late 2019 got to an agreement with China that only certified organic COVID-19 viruses will be released to the public, has just announced that after lengthy discussions, that took over 7 minutes, a new agreement with China was reached, and all COVID-19 viruses that will be released from now on, including all Greek letters variants AND new versions (such as COVID-21 and COVID-21-2) will be non-GMO!

    This not only means that ALL VIRUSes will be so much healthier, but also that they will be safe to infect vegans, lactose intolerant and celiac disease peeps, and anyone wearing a red MAGA hat! Really!


  • Introducing Fakin’ News!

    For now, the home of Fakin’ News will be here, until such days I’m less lazy (i.e. have time) and get the website FakinNews.com up.

    It seems that everywhere you look for actual news, you get fake news. I try to do stuff the right way, so I will call my fake news as they are. Welcome to the best, only, unbeatable, completely accurate fake news source! Yes, this message is fake too! This is such a wonderful feeling, the freedom to fake!