• Ribs (Houston’s restaurant inspired)

    Made this last week and loved how they came out. After this I’ll also post the coleslaw I made/had with it.
    I made everything on the grill, I find it simpler.

    OpineAway - Ribs

    First we cook the ribs with spice in water. I used a disposable aluminum pan that can hold the ribs and deep enough to cover them in water. Make your own BBQ sauce (it’s really good, so if you have leftovers you won’t regret it, keep it in the fridge).

    Pre cooking the ribs:

    • Pork Ribs (the rack I used was 4.5lb)
    • 1 tsp salt
    • 1/2 tsp white pepper
    • 1/2 tsp black pepper
    • Pinch of Cayenne pepper
    1. Place spices in a pan, add a little hot tap water and mix.
    2. Place ribs in pan, add hot tap water to cover ribs.
    3. Place pan on grill set to medium and bring to lite boil. Lower heat to maintain lite boil. Alternative way is in an over set to 220f
    4. Carefully (it’s hot) cover pan with aluminum foil to minimize water evaporation while cooking.
    5. Let cook for at least 2-3 hours. 6-8 hours even better (more tender).

    While they cook, make your BBQ Sauce, you can multiply the quantities to make more and save:

    • 1/3 cup Brown Sugar
    • 1/2 cup Ketchup
    • 1/2 cup cider vinegar
    • 1/4 cup Mustard
    • 1/4 cup water
    • 1/2 tsp. Onion Powder
    • 1/4 tsp. Garlic Powder
    • Pinch or more to taste Cayenne pepper
    • 1/2 tsp. Beet Powder (optional, write to me if you need some, I make it myself, ads great flavor and color).
    • 1 tsp. Corn Starch
    1. Put everything but corn starch in a pot on a low-medium flame and stir until bubbles a bit.
    2. Mix well corn starch with some cold water (about 1/4 cup).
    3. Add cornstarch to the pot, mix well, reduce flame to low, cover, simmer for 30 minute.
    4. Take off the stove and let cool.

    When you get too hungry and decide you can’t wait any more, i.e. the ribs cooked enough, grill’m:

    • note – while I grilled them I had a small pan on the side with hickory smoking woodchips, so they got some smoky flavor. You can do that or add some liquid smoke to the BBQ sauce (I’ll call that “cheating” but still will taste good…). Not a must, but adds great flavor.
    1. Carefully (as they are hot and might fall apart now) take ribs out of the pan and place on the grill.
    2. Remove pan with water from grill (careful again, it’s full of hot water), you can dispose of the water or keep as broth for whatever.
    3. Brush the top side of the ribs with a very generous amount of the BBQ sauce that you made, like a really good amount.
    4. Grill heat on medium-low with grill closed for 10-15 minutes, let bottom side brown and the sauce stick and thickens on the top. Watch it every few minutes and give it more time as needed. If sauce get thick fast, brush on some more, the more the merrier.
    5. Flip ribs carefully and brush what was the bottom side with BBQ sauce, reduce flame to low and cook for 5-8 minutes with grill closed. Gotta be on low to prevent burning the sauce!
    6. Take’m off the grill already!

    These are so good…

    • Telling by the color, Houston’s is using molasses in their BBQ sauce. If you want, you can replace some of the sugar with molasses, makes it darker color and adds some of its flavor.

  • Coleslaw broccoli or cabbage (goes great with the ribs)

    OpineAway Coleslaw
    • 1/4 cup mayonnaise
    • 1/4 cup white vinegar
    • 1 tbls sugar
    • 1/4 tspn salt
    • 1/4 tspn coriander
    • Pinch white pepper
    • Pinch cayenne pepper
    • 2 cups julienned broccoli stems or chopped green cabbage or mix. Can use a bag of Broccoli Slaw mix. Can also mix some red cabbage. Be creative.
    • 1/2 cup julienned carrots
    • 1/4 cup chopped parsley
    • 1/4 cup chopped scallion
    • 1/4 cup cubed small (1/8″) red bell peppers
    1. Mix well all but vegetables.
    2. Add everything else and mix well.

    If you have time, let stand in the ridge for a few hours, but can also be eaten right away.

  • Being Canceled makes you famous

    Someone once told me there is no such thing as bad PR!

    My last post on Instagram Fakin’News about a new Covid-19 Farta variant, got picked up by them and they added a link under my post “Visit the COVID-19 Information Center for vaccine resources” which I find hilarious, and it is very obvious they suppress showing that post to anyone.

    So I figured it out! So many “celebrities” you never heard of or didn’t hear about for a long time are suddenly in the news because they were canceled, and now suddenly they get famous or famous again! So it’s great. Cancel Culture is great for publicity!!!

    Please cancel me more! I want to be in the news! Please add a cancel request form so it will be easier for us to get canceled! We can really use a good PR push!

  • New COVID-19 Farta Variant Released!

    The moment ya’ll been waiting for!

    The Wuhan Lab just announced it officially released the COVID-19 Farta Variant!
    Billions around the world already stand in line around the block all over the universe to be the first ones to be infected by this new and improved version.

    Per the CDC, the Center for Disinformation Chiefs, and Dr. Anthony Faultci, this Farta variant is lots of fun. It’s will, for sure, become a center attraction at parties, carnivals and special events everywhere!

    It was designed especially to bypass all vaccinations and naturally occurring immune mechanisms, and, with proper viral load, to induce gasses like never before, that when lit, produce Aurora-Burials-like effects right in front of you. The possibilities are endless!

    Side effects may include death, our sources say.

    COVID-19 Farta Variant
    Gaseous Enhanced Quantum Scanning Microscope Image
    Courtesy of the Flatulent Institute of Technology

    For more information please refer to anywhere else but here.

  • Ben & Jerry’s Ice Cream to be rebranded

    Ben & Jerry’s Ice Cream will be rebranded, and included as an annex to The United States House of Representatives and by that become part of the United States congress.

    The brand will be renamed and officially be called “Ben & Jerry’s I Scream”.

    The move was approved with the help of the queen of congress Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, AKA “Sandy”, AKA “AOC”, AKA “Hey, Oh, See?”. When asked (but why ask?), AOC replied “Like you can’t sell Ice Cream to people if you need to call them oppressed, because then they are like not oppresssy feely or anything, they like happy because they like eat ice cream and stuff. Also my grandmother is poor and my Tesla doesn’t understand me anymore, I asked it to take me to “my office”, and it answers it doesn’t understand my orifice. Or maybe it was Siri. I don’t know anymore because I’m so stressed from the floods in Germany they are so close to us, I need therapy.

    Ben and Jerry as well as Unilever did not respond to our request for comments about the announcement, rumor has it they all suffer from a severe brain freeze.

  • Guantanamo Bay Naval Base renamed!

    As part of the military effort to make the US Army more gender and race neutral, it was announced that the Guantanamo Bay Naval Base will be renamed. If approved by some general with lots of striped thingies on his chest, the base will be called, starting as soon as next week, “Guantanamo Gay”.

    The move follows other new changes such as using only lavender scented pink towels for waterboarding, and purple flare tracer bullets. Also rifle barrels will now be made less phallic looking.

    The name change will be officially announced in a ceremony that will present, for the first time every, gluten free helmets and bullet pseudo-proof vests made of recycled cardboard.

    Genera Joke “Jell-o” Weakfled was quoted saying “We are proud. Also we are gay how tough our troops now feel, and how this added to the moral of all 743 genders of soldiers that proudly serve the US army. Even Russia, China and Iran officially congratulated us and send us edible arrangements and an ample supply of pink towels!”. “Guantanamo Gay will be the beacon of woke to all armies around the world.”.

    In reaction to the announcement, Vladimir Putin was reported to pee his pants from an uncontrolled laughter attack, and in Iran 1012 people were executed because it was a Tuesday. No reports were communicated from China and no one can get hold of any news reporters there for the last four weeks, but the Chines government said “honestly we don’t know anything about it or any virus or anything, we have no clue and it’s not from here anyway so why do you even ask, ha? It’s probably from some frozen pasta from Italy.”.

  • Facebook now allows you to post!

    In a bold move that shook the social networks industry, and left trillions of creatures around the universe with their jaw or whatever other body part dropped, Facebook made today an announcement that can only described as innovative, ground breaking and brave!

    Mark the date! As of today, Facebook will allow you to post stuff! Like posts and stuff. These posts will be available for other people to see!

    Disclaimer: this does not include any posts that have any information, photos, images, audio, links, text, words, letters, graphic elements, icons, reactions, emojis, or anything else that they don’t like.

  • The reason that Jeff Bezos Wore a Hat

    We all wondered what was the story with wearing that hat for the space flight in that big hilariously shaped rocket.

    We here at Fakin’ News work relentlessly to find the information for you. We sent microscopic drones with tiny 4K cameras to find out all the behind-the-scene fact about this flight, and we found out why that hat was on, and was not removed!

    Wait for it….you won’t believe this photo, showing Jeff just after all that publicity powwows, relaxing in his private room taking off his hat. It is unreal!!!

    He got Borg implements! To give him advantage in business, allow him to control the space shclong rocket without anyone knowing, and to be able to answer all the questions Alexa is asked in real time, special enhancing implements were attached to his brain and enables him not only to communicate with the mighty internet directly with his mind, but also to control his coffee maker from bed! The technology, called Lithographic Gargantua Brain Tethered Quantum Artificial Intelligence Hairline, or LGBTQAIH, was secretly developed in the private section of Areas 51 and financed solely by Bezos’ money found in his Levis’ change pocket.

    This is a Fakin’ News exclusive. Remember where you read it first!

  • Non-GMO COVID-19

    This just in! The Biden administration, in collaboration with Anthony Fauci that in late 2019 got to an agreement with China that only certified organic COVID-19 viruses will be released to the public, has just announced that after lengthy discussions, that took over 7 minutes, a new agreement with China was reached, and all COVID-19 viruses that will be released from now on, including all Greek letters variants AND new versions (such as COVID-21 and COVID-21-2) will be non-GMO!

    This not only means that ALL VIRUSes will be so much healthier, but also that they will be safe to infect vegans, lactose intolerant and celiac disease peeps, and anyone wearing a red MAGA hat! Really!


  • Introducing Fakin’ News!

    For now, the home of Fakin’ News will be here, until such days I’m less lazy (i.e. have time) and get the website FakinNews.com up.

    It seems that everywhere you look for actual news, you get fake news. I try to do stuff the right way, so I will call my fake news as they are. Welcome to the best, only, unbeatable, completely accurate fake news source! Yes, this message is fake too! This is such a wonderful feeling, the freedom to fake!